Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Wew. Doodle Work: Pastime and Rants.

(I know it doesn't look much of a doodle, but I like it... so shut up.)

so, I finally agreed with myself that I have a hint of "art" in me after all. Yes, I have a talent, and no, I am not much proud of it. why? coz I know I can still practice and I know that there's still a lot (and I mean A LOT) to learn. I really really want to enhance my so called "talent". I don't wanna be just another girl, I want to have something special. If no one out there makes me feel special, I would try my best to trick myself into thinking that I am! I don't wanna be compared to anyone. I am dying to punch people who keep saying that "oh, that looks like "toooot's" work or hey, that looks cute, "toooot" must have made it."  Yea, people kinda like me for my "acting" skills, but I think they just think that my voice is funny coz it gets really pitchy when I shout. I just.. I really don't know. I feel depressed, no one appreciates me being around (emo. lol).  I'm done crying over this tiny tiny thing. I think I'm going mental! Gosh, I really get sensitive when it comes to my well being. I need something to boost my self- esteem. Seriously, my self esteem is lower than.. than.. everything? see! I can't even think of something.

Am I really not capable of doing something nice ( worth to be appreciated )? Am I not worthy of being told that I'm good at something?

I really hate myself. I wish I could try harder to do something about it. I really just.. *sigh
I feel worthless, like I'm good at nothing! I constantly strive to be best at something.. anything! I'm just really a loser. I talk too much, I eat too much, I sleep too much, I rant too much..

I'm just tired. I just really wanna feel special, I envy those whose talents are really at its "full bloom", and the way people adore their work.. I miss that feeling.. eerr..

I think a need a psychologist for my rants.

RANT RANT RANT. ( This post is like a kid with a razor blade deciding if he's ready to die or not. lol. )

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